Thursday, May 1, 2008

Stoopid Criminals

Here are some funny storeis I found scattered around the web. Enjoy.


I’ve always wondered what the weirdest vehicle that anyone ever drove drunk could be. This isn’t it, but it’s an actual thought I’ve had. Here’s some of the favorites my mind came up with when it wasn’t thinking about boobies: the Mystery Machine, the car from “My Mother, the Car,” the Delorian from “Back to the Future,” a Delorian, the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile.According to the Associated Press, a fire chief in Maine has been arrested for driving drunk behind the wheel of a fire truck.
Here’s the kicker: he wasn’t driving it to a fire. Thank God. I just know that when he got there, he’d try to pee it out.
He even had the siren running because when you’re driving drunk, you want to draw as much attention to yourself as possible.
Police claim he was blasting the siren in their neighborhood over a local dispute. Well, I’m sure he made his point. The neighborhood plans to respond to his debate by blaring a foghorn next to his bedroom window right when he falls asleep.

Dumb Burglar

It’s a shame that alcohol makes some men do the most horrid, selfish and illegal things. If only alcohol had a better effect on the human body, like say, you have too few many beers, a shot of whiskey and a sniff of Jaegermeister and the alcohol in your brain mixes with your neurons and you black out. Then when you wake up you realize you’ve been working all night on a cure for cancer.According to the Akron Beacon Journal, a man got drunk, broke into his ex-girlfriend’s house, hid in the closet and fell asleep, and his ex-girlfriend discovered him the next morning.
The woman told police she figured something was wrong when she noticed the strong odor of beer coming form the closet. She said it was followed by the stench of emotional humiliation, which incidentally smells just like a broccoli fart.
She opened the door and there in the closet was her drunk ex-boyfriend. Police said it was the second time he tried to break into her home. In his defense, it was their anniversary.
The man fled the home without his shoes. Police said he can retrieve them from the nearest police station.

Brillant Kidnapper

Cell phones are a miracle of technological ingenuity, aren’t they? We can receive and make phone calls from just about any point in the globe (that manage to get a signal that lasts longer than a second) that sound just as clear as a land telephone line (that is if your land telephone line features whole blocks of static and interuptions that make you sound like Billy from “Cuckoo’s Nest”) and for only a small amount of money (if you’re Bill Gates). Here’s yet another example of their usefulness…
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) - A robber demanded his victim’s wallet and car keys, then dumped him in the trunk of his car and withdrew cash with his bank card early Sunday, police said.
Martino Williamson is wishing he had taken Ira Sully’s cell phone, too.
Sully called police from inside the trunk and described the car and Williamson, who was caught a short time later when an officer matched him and the car to Sully’s description, police said in a report.
Man, that’s bad. The only way it could be worse is if he tried to steal the car without taking his keys during the hold up.
Police charged Williamson with aggravated robbery, kidnapping and operating a cell phone while driving a motor vehicle.
Of course, this begs the inevitable question: how the hell did this guy get a signal from the trunk of his car when I can’t get one from my front door?

Stoopid Crimnals


michele said...

HILARIOUS! Who's idea was this? Hee hee! I'll bet you could put some of your OWN stories on here, too!

Sandpiper said...

LOL There really are some dumb ones out there!

Kojak said...

That'[s some good stuff !! We should all get together and share stories and write a book. Hey I will have plenty time after June 25th.

Stacey Huston said...

Didn't know that there were smart crooks.. LOL You really should get together and write a book..

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